In 30 years, I’ve had the chance to live in seven countries. And for me, being a long term, multi country expat has always been dilemma: most times I love it, but sometimes I hate it. So if you want to prepare for this journey not looking through pink glasses or are still weighting pros and cons of living abroad, today, I wanted to share the best and worst parts of being a long term, multi country expat with you.
My expat journey
My expat journey has been non-stop since an early age. When I was 11, we moved to France with my family. I attended middle and high school in the North part of the country, a small town called Valenciennes, and went to university in Strasbourg. In-between, I went on a student exchange to Moscow, Russia and completed an internship in Sarajevo, Bosnia-Hercegovina. Then, I embarked on a three and half year trip to Chile. Three years ago, I came back to France, briefly moved to Lithuania, and finally expatriated to Hungary. If you are lost already, I get you and I feel you.
Living Abroad: Pros and Cons
Best parts of being a long term, multi-country expat
Living multiple lives
One of the best parts of being a long term expat is that it has always given me the feeling of living multiple lives.
Although we don’t live in a world anymore when you are necessarily born and die in the same place, having the chance to live in not one, not even two, but multiple countries in a single life is pretty amazing.
On one hand, the more you live in different places, the longer your life looks.
On the other hand, I consider each country and my experience in that country as a mini world. The realities are different everywhere: people are different, the culture is different, and just how you live your life in general. It’s a notion hard to put into words. I always say that I wasn’t the same Margarita in France, Chile, or Hungary.
It’s not just related to the age, and tied to the natural evolution of a person, and their changing personality and their tastes. When you are not just a passenger in transit in a foreign country but absorb everything around you — at some point you become one with that country. The influence — the good kind of it — on your habits, tastes, communication styles, and many other things — is inevitable.
Being a world citizen
This one is hardly a surprise but I gotta say it: Meeting other cultures and discovering new places is a big bonus of being a long term expat. No book or documentary in the world can replace the real, human experience. When you are not just learning, but living.
I am not a big reader, and I don’t consider myself so smart with an exceptional IQ. But I am proud that I get to experience the world and cultures in person, through real connections, and my own perspective — not just some author’s or director’s. It doesn’t make be better; it simply makes me and my approach to discovering the world different.
A feeling of home everywhere
I am lucky to say that after living in many countries, I have found multiple homes. I consider my permanent homes to be in Lithuania, because I was born there and have family, in France, as I grew up there, and Hungary, where I currently live. Not only it is a great feeling to have, as if you were a celebrity with several villas across the globe. For me, it’s also a safety net in case of any political, economic, or other unstable situation that would be too hard to cope with.
What’s also great about having homes “everywhere” is that when you go back, you kind of feel like a tourist. You experience your city with a fresh pair of eyes, discover a new cafe or store opened, wonder through the city center. Everything is beautiful, you see no or little flaws, everyone seems nice…it’s a nice travel euphoria as if you were travelling to somewhere you’ve never been before.
Worst parts of being a long term multi-country expat
There’s no real home
I’d like to pick up on the home thing because having multiple bases also comes with a price. After a while, the expat experience fades and you don’t really know your country anymore. For example, despite I lived in Lithuania for the first 11 years of my life and bathed in its culture and traditions, I didn’t live there as an adult. So when people ask me how is life in Lithuania, a long pause follows. Because I am only able to tell from my memories and short travel experiences when I visit a few times per year. It doesn’t make me less Lithuanian, and not less of an expert of my city, but not a proper local either.
What also makes me sad about being an expat is that my friends are all over the world and meet ups become more rare. Having friends all over the world is great while you are there. But it is sad once you leave because despite all the promises to see each other again soon, deep down you know that you’re heading for a long separation. And despite the fact that I always managed to keep my close friendships no matter the distance (and meet X years later as if no time has passed), what can I tell you: it’s still hard.
You have to start all over again
From Lithuania to France to Chile and back again to France and Hungary (and I am not counting several 6-month stays abroad), I’ve got to admit: it can be a lot for one person. Despite I’ve trained my brain to adapt and readapt, starting all over again is still mentally challenging. Sometimes, I wish I was a “normal” person who has lived in their home country most of their live, and had all family and group of friends nearby.
What living in several countries has taught me
While being a long term, multi-country expat, I accepted to live in the permanent confusion of “I love it, this is the lifestyle for me” and “I want a stable place”. When you get on the discovery journey, you accept you won’t be only getting the perks of traveling, but also feelings of confusion, struggle, loss… But you can also discover many things about the world down that road — and yourself through it.
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